Since then it's been a book you read in reverse so you understand less as the pages turn;
or a movie so crass and awkwardly cast
...even I could be the star.
I have had some manifold emotional/spiritual/relational struggles in which, by grace, tiny seeds have been planted. I know there's opportunity for tremendous growth.
We're all so damn wounded. Our pasts are littered with the deep subconscious wreckage of life with other wounded humans. And this wreckage in our histories is made manifest in our present. In a desperate need to please, in insecurity, in fear, in megalomania, in defensiveness, in the need to control, in dishonesty, in depression, in a quick temper, in self-loathing we see evidence that we're wretchedly damaged, impossible people. We have each incurred a fatal wound and we reel and stagger about disfigured, trying to keep all our insides from falling out, and as we slip and stumble all over one another we perpetuate the terrible mess we're in. Yet it's not all our fault. All this is the natural outcome for one born to insecure, controlling, dishonest, depressed, quick-tempered, self-loathing, megalomaniac parents- for one born into a wounded world filled with other wounded individuals. ...Some call it "fallen."
And we're hurt and therefore we hurt others. We're sinful, so we sin.
Personally, I get so tired of my seemingly hopeless self and all my tendencies of destruction and all my efforts at becoming something better. And lately it has seemed like an exercise in futility.
But--oh, what an important preposition! --we are loved, and so we too are capable of love. I am of the opinion that it is by the continual, painstaking process of realizing that we are loved, of believing it, understanding it, and coming to trust that Love, that we will be continually and painstakingly healed. Healed and free to become healers and lovers. And I call this sanctification.
Octember.
Shalom.
