family

Right now sleeping in my bedroom, in my bed, are two precious little boys (Bela and Laith) and their precious momma (Amy). They came to visit and it has lifted me so much. This bunch is one that, if only they lived closer, I would learn from them (amy and zach) as spouses, as parents, as humble followers of Jesus. I'd strive to love as they love, to understand others as they do. And if only they lived closer, I'd have a running partner. Amy, Laith, Bela, and Zach, I really love you all.

Other than myself we are the only ones who have slept in this big house this week. All the true roommates have gone out to their new oasis (taking all the good coffee with them, bummer) and luckily I have Amy to keep this house company with me till she heads back to Brenham today.


I soon will be a spouse. I will have a husband. It's pretty overwhelming to me to think about this for too long. It's also crazy for me to think about this thing, marriage, in regards to it's prequel- pre-marital counseling. In this, the biggest decision and committment one can make, a couple is expected to learn and prepare for this life-long challenge in 6 weeks of chatting with a MALE pastor. Oh the ridulousness of this preparation! Where is the wife? where is the marriage from which to learn?? and how can you possibly prepare and learn all the tools you will need BEFORE you ever get started in this crazy thing?
Are pregnant mothers and fathers, after all the birth classes and preparations, supposed to go it all alone from the day the baby comes out all through that first hectic year until the kid is 18? Is it not expected of them to have help and communication, even weeks of overnight assistance, with other parents when they don't know what to do with this kid yet?

I think most necessary is communication with other couples, both husband AND wife, whose marriage you respect and appriciate. And I also believe, just as there is no way one would expect a new mom to be able to handle a child on her own from day one onward, that it is ridiculous for new couples to expect that this monumentous life-long task ahead of them should be handled without guidance and counsel all along the way.



there's my ranting. Hope to see you all at our wedding and I expect from all of you encouragement and love to the benefit of this new baby marriage. Now I have to go to work.

Shalom

I was writing for an application about influential people in my life. I read back through this and saw it was pretty nice to think about. I love these two.


My mother taught me to pray and was an example of spending time in daily prayer at a very influential stage in my life. Her prayers, conviction, and willingness to forgive are the reasons my parents remarried one another after over 2 years of being divorced. She is the source and reason for any service and compassion within me. She feels things very deeply and she has great conviction. She’s the most generous person I know. She is capable of incredible compassion, she seeks to understand those different from her and is a great listener. She volunteers her time at a homeless shelter and Helping Hands food ministry. She reads Richard Foster, A.W. Tozer, Henri Nouwen and Brother Lawrence. She taught me to sew. She is an amazing cook and taught me how to make pies.
My father is very smart and practical. He’s always, always fair and honest. Although he didn’t know how to show us love very well as children, he gets behind us and champions our cause, doing anything he can to see us succeed. He’s a very proud father. His care for the earth and love of the outdoors was passed on to me. He loves history and so do I. In all of the places we’ve lived he has become the caretaker of the neighborhood stray cats- nursing them back to health, getting them fixed and making them soft beds in the winter out of old t-shirts on his work table in the garage and giving them names like Whitey, Blackie, and Calico. He can fix cars, fix leaks, fix roofs, install doors and floors and make tables and desks. He knows how to do just about everything and is constantly learning how to do more. He fixes the homes of old widows in our town who can’t afford it, installing wheelchair ramps for them and finding the funding to get them a new heater and A/C. He’s great.
These two make up much of me.




shalom

infatuation

I am irresponsible.

Has anyone seen my camera?

The infatuation has worn off at our house. We've all known each other as friends, roommates, and co-laborers for nearly 2 years now and I figure it's probably about time that we start to see each others' flaws, quirks, and idiosyncrasies with eyes of grace and humility. Many things that bothered me months ago are now seen as invaluable additions to our household. If TJ didn't walk around shirtless, who could we poke fun at?












Speaking of, I think I might know who has my camera.

The truth of the matter is that I am the youngest, and in many regards the most immature participant in this community home. Sure I put in lots of work in the garden, cleaning, caring for the chickens and such, but I am a do-er. I have to 'do' to be fulfilled and I therefore lack much of the quiet beauty and grace that my three cohabitants have in various measures and means.

So the infatuation stage is coming to an end and I am starting to appreciate my sister and brothers in the ways in which they differ from me, but not only that--I am finding that committed community causes me to do so much contemplation of my own fatal flaws. Exactly what I had hoped for. In choosing to love and serve in the avenue of a prolonged convergence of several human lives--your character is brought to light. Yes, exactly what I hoped for.


Living in community is never the easier way of doing life- but it is better.

do-bee-dum-dum-dum

poor chickens.
grushenka, old warsaw, the others. they're soaked. We have no tight roof on the coop. We're bad chicken parents.


...as of late I am reminded:

• that I am not alone
• that I am just as screwed up as the rest of us
• that "God-be-with-ye's" (good-byes) are hard
• that growing food in the front yard and cooking it in your kitchen can be deeply spiritual if you let it be
  
• that people are hurting all around me
• that cancer is a bitch and kids shouldn't die before their parents
• that pain is inevitable and joy is chosen
• that peace does not come naturally to me
• that I have a heck of a lot to learn

as of late beauty was found:

• in germinated seeds
  
• in remembering farm friends
• in Rachmaninoff
  
• in my ecumenical community
  
• in home-brewed kombucha
  
• in a little laziness in front of the TV (not guilt-free)
  
• in mothers and fathers
  
• in cooking for 10
• in spanish-speaking 4 year olds
  
• in reaping an unexpected tomato harvest in an abandoned garden
• in individual faith histories
• in the old, unpretentious, worn-in, comfortable shoe called 'family.'

suggestion:
read and retell your stories.

it is in story that we see God. Our scripture is all stories. It is in these stories becoming one with our own lives and narratives that then experience of God across time takes place.

The story (from my perspective) of february, 2007 when i was kicked out and sent home to rebuild; of November 30th- Grady's birth and the aftermath that followed, the story of when i lived with boys in community eating vegetable lasagna, growing mushrooms, and bickering about dishes. When these things are retold, I am able to see that they are all proof of the Divine making beautiful all that is mucked up.

in the past few days I've gone back to see my stories. I read last years journal entries, blog posts, and letters from friends and from justin. These accounts of my history are the evidence of my transformation and the presence of the One who began it all. You know, I doubt He ever questioned what he was doing in all that time. He knew, didn't he?



thanks be to the God of the past, present and future,
who was, and is, and is to come


shalom