this present moment.

You must rest a while and you must wait
Until life's empty reservoirs fill up
As slow rain fills an empty upturned cup.
Hold up your cup, dear child, for God to fill,
He only asks today that you be still.




It's raining. And it's serene and cool and everything is damp to the touch: my skin, clothes, my pillow and my sheets, all my stuff is all wet. And the rain is totally filling me up today and even though I am sleep deprived and aught to be napping even now, I am resting in Him in this moment. Damn, I love this moment.


I think I am in love with people. He's helping me to see the beauty in so many of those my flesh often wants to call "ugly" creatures. And it brings me great joy to love them, and truly love them. And it grows me. I just talked to someone for almost two hours that I hardly know but I love the pieces of him that he shared with me. I feel a bit euphoric and out of my mind, so this is crazy talk.


how 'bout this: let's be changed. constantly.

well, brothers, thank you.

I've long learned not to run from the darkness because He sometimes is found within it (check out how He comes in David's song #18, v 9 and 11: "'He bowed the heavens also, and came down with thick darkness under His feet...He made darkness His hiding place, His canopy around Him, darkness of waters, thick clouds of the skies." yikes).

For that very reason, I approach this with fear and trembling, for its danger and power is not foreign to me. But I don't want to run. It'd be silly any way- I know it/He would inevitably catch me.

Maybe I'm just in the middle of a reminder of where He has brought me from. Maybe so.

David wrote a song, # 27, and it's simply full of despair. His despair is laced with hope, though. He ends it in hope.
Read it and be hopeful.

With me.

Shalom

ro-oh-ohllercostah

it was the best of times, it was the worst of times (too).
good grief. such good grief.
I'm thrilled, I'm shocked, I'm nervous
and somewhere underneath lies a peaceful confidence that it's all part of a beautiful orchestration that I'll never understand and which will never cease to shock, thrill, and surprise me. How You love us in hard and perfect ways.

I neglected to comment last week on the beautiful gift the Father gave:
time with two dear brothers and a growth in my spirit's family to include several more dear ones. To you two- how treasured that time is. God has continually reminded me of your words of encouragement- even allowing me to keep, with pointed accuracy, specific words and phrases which spoke truth to me. Also, the general air and attitude of peace and praise you withheld nearly at all times among the brethren brought me great hope and joy.
Oh, the undeserved blessings to which the spirit's eye gives sight. Thanks for letting me notice them.


On other terms- my family is growing physically as well. This is the phenomena of which I spoke at first.
It's far more incredible a piece of news to hear than I ever gave it credit before.
I want to sing and cry and throw up,
but You are good and bless us undeservedly.

May we all rest in Him

Shalom

shadow

If the work that was accomplished through Christ's death and resurrection was the destruction of all that is evil, sin and death, why then do we still live in the shadow of that evil? And not only its shadow, but its very presence residing in and around us, wounding us and others, terribly effecting our lives and friends and families and churches and culture?

What does it even mean then, that we can, through faith, have "victory over sin?" There is serious threat here of those words lying empty because our speech and our experience lie in grave contradiction. Is this so? Why was Eden not restored and the evil gone? Why is our day to day lived in shadow?


I was reminded by a catholic writer this morning of a very helpful and appropriate perspective of our sin problem. I'll try to communicate it:

Sin and Evil have long been the occupying force. Their reign has brought oppression and hopelessness. They've oppressed us so long that somewhere long ago a piece of us forgot that it was even the enemy. We began accept our fate, to grow comfortable with it, live at ease with it, inviting it in for coffee, letting it babysit our kids, allowing it to infiltrate our cities and homes, our culture and customs and ethics and economies.

But still, we've been living under occupation by this foreign power and darkness and defeat covers the scene. It's like the Nazi occupation of Europe times 10.

Imagine that in a prisoner camp in this society there spreads a story of a great battle fought and won which broke the backbone of this evil. In the fight, they were utterly destroyed and Good became victorious. Yes, the evil is still near, but it has been defeated! It won't be long now until they are released and free, never to be oppressed by this evil again. The knowledge of this victory brings shouts, singing and dancing. They act with joy and hope as if the enemy is gone and freedom has already arrived!

And therefore, it has. We are free.

I can see it approaching
I heard this would soon come.
light chases shadow
straight into its grave.

It won't be long now
Let us rejoice.

Alchemy

synopsis of March 27-April 3:

hope
the ever persistent waiting (by planting flowers)
taking the initiative

the transfiguration
:::

extreme disappointment: exactly what I deserved
the Cross
[despair and relinquishment]
bliss: [the injustice of] getting far more than I deserve

:::

2-10yr olds. 13-17 yr olds. -exhaustion
. Selah .

a conversation with Justin
a really great friend or two
beauty beyond comprehension

hope

all in all, lead [past] has a way of becoming gold [tomorrow]

shalom, dear ones.